A boyfriend for Christmas?

Well November, I didn't expect to blog too much in that month since for half of the month I was writing a novel. Yes, I said HALF of the month. What does that mean? I LOST!!! And I know it. I just didn't have much motivation. But the basic story is there. I just have to write it! Maybe this summer when I have more time?

Well, I want to talk to you about my dreams. Lately they've been about boys...and that makes me uncomfortable! I'll explain why.

The night before I had a dream I was with Mike (My old youth pastor...which makes it SOOO WEIRD!! I really don't like him fyi ;) …even though he is married he only had a girlfriend in my dream. Then last night I had a dream I was back together with Zach (ex-bf), together with Antonio (a guy from work), and also together with Mark Fish! (A jock from my home church.) I don’t even like those guys!!!

Of course I still feel like I get punched in the stomach every time Zach looks at me, but that doesn’t mean I have feelings for him. I think these dreams really just mean that I really want a boyfriend right now, but here’s the thing….I know I don’t need one! God has his plan for my life, ["For I know the plans I have for you," Decalred the Lord, "Plans to prosper and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11] and this is just the devil’s way of trying to get me to lose sight of that with the bible study Christmas party coming up! That's when the girls and boys bible studies get together for a party. That's how I met Zach the first time...and he's going to be there again. I really hope that I can focus on my girls and not look at all the guys there as potential boyfriends but as Brothers in Christ. It’s what I want to do, but it’s going to be soooo hard!

I have two songs by superchick that truely describe what I'm feeling right now better than I can put into words. Both apply to my ex-bf. *sigh*:

"Bowling Ball"

Maybe he'll change
Maybe things'll get better
Maybe it would be nice
If he wouldn't always put you down
Maybe things'll work out
But maybe they'll never..
And I think you've given him
The benefit of the doubt

You need that boy like a bowling ball
Dropped on your head
Which means not at all
You have too much to give, to live
To waste your time on him (twice)

"Wishes"

The saddest thing is you could be anything, that you could want.
We could've been everything, but now we're not.
Now it's not anything at all.
The hardest part was getting this close to you
and giving up this dream I built with you.
A fairy tale that isn't coming true.
You've got some growing up to do.

*CHORUS*
I wish we could have worked it out.
I wish I didn't have these doubts,
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.
I wish I didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and I.
I wish that I could stop this wishing and just say my last goodbye.

After all the things you put me through,
tell me why I'm still in love with you.
And why am I, why am I still waiting for your call?
You broke my heart, I'm taking it back from you.
And taking back the life I gave to you.
Life goes on before and after you.
I've got some growing up to do.

*CHORUS*

It's time I say my last goodbye.
Goodbye, Goodbye, It's time I say my last goodbye.

I wish we could have worked it out.
I wish I didn't have these doubts,
I wish I didn't have to wonder just what you are doing now.
I wish I didn't know inside
That it won't work out for you and I.
I wish that I could stop this wishing and
just say my last goodbye

If only it were that easy. Sorry I know this blog is kind of down...hopefully I'll blog some more before the month is over!

NaNoWriMo - Day 1

Hello world! I am pleased to announce that today is the first day of NaNoWriMo.

-Interesting fact of the day! I have been pronouncing this nan-Oh-rEE-mO. And I found out it's ACTUALLY pronounced nan-Oh-rI-mO. That makes a lot more sense....-

Anyway! Since I'm terrible about writing a blog anyway I figured it would be incredibly difficult to compelte this challenge, let alone write blogs on top of that! Alas, that is what I am doing! /plan to do! (we'll see how this works out)

Because I might just need to vent about how my writing sucks and the story is not going anywhere and that's OK!!! I mean, it's just a draft!!

And honestly, I've writen 1,680 some words today...and still have absolutely NO idea how the book will end. I'm sure all great novelists write like that!

Roxanne, why are your paragraphs so short?

Well reader, I am extremely tired. There COULD be more detail there, but I don't feel like it at the moment. I'm a little tired after writing all day. Lets see if I'll be able to write tomorrow on top of school and everything!

THIS is gunna be difficult!!!

Here comes Roudolph

Hey girl heeeey!

I'm extremely too excited to be writing another one of these. I have 15 minutes before Friends comes on and so I thought I'd blog...you know, instead of catching up on my reading. Haha, oops!

This weekend I had my first taste of beer. Anyone who's tried it before knows what I'm talking about when I say...I didn't initially like it, nor will I probably ever. My friend kept telling me it's an 'acquired' taste. What does that even mean!? You just stop tasting after a while because the beer tears off your taste buds? For those of you who haven't tried it, the initial taste is nice, for the first millisecond, and then it turns into this bitter taste. My water couldn't wash it out of my mouth, so I ordered a lemonade to wash it down. Much better!

It was funny because I told him I was sick that day so I didn't want to drink from his cup, but I did anyway. Lo and Behold the sickling typing to you now! I've been sick for the past 3 or 4 days I guess. Congestion, head ache, nausea, runny nose, aches...the WHOLE shabang!! Fun stuff, right? I call myself the new Roudolph because my nose is so sore. I've gone through a whole box of tissues and a bag of cough drops in three days. I got more tissues, but I can't get more cough drops! Sad day!

Well my best friend just called me, again. This is the third time we've talked to each other today. In total...about 2 and a half hours today. Haha, just talking about stuff that doesn't really matter. It was just FUN! You know? Talking about nothing and having a wonderful time. :)

Hmmm...well Friends is on now so this is going to be cut short.

Awesome: Getting letters in the mail! (And Nyquil)
Lame: Sickness

3 days coming

Wow, wow, wow, WOW!

It's amazing how much has happened! Let me explain first that I love, love, love LOVE my friends! And things are so much better when you say then four times. It's going to be the new thing, I just know it. :)

So...here's a blog to catch you up a little on my life since I've been to college. It's been about a month. I want to start blogging more, so hold me accountable! Haha, like that'll happen!

My best friend Charly moved to Tennessee to go to college. I mean REALLY!? Why so far awaaaaay!? :( I miss her so much. I prayed that our friendship would survive the distance, even though we had been 50 minutes away for the past 2 years I've been in college. And guess what? Our friendship is even stronger now that she moved to Tennessee!!! I think that's amazing. We litterally make time to talk to each other every day. I don't know how she does it. Her parents call her everyday, she talks to me everyday, and not to mention talks to her boy interest everyday.

Boy interest you say? YES I DID! It's amazing to see. She's never been in a relationship before, and she's 19 years old. She's just very careful with who she likes, and this boy is the closest she's ever come to a boyfriend. They DTR'd (Don't tell me you don't know what that is, I've had to explain it enough!) it the other night, expresssed how they felt for each other, but also expressed that it wouldn't be a good idea for them to date right now. The first and most obvious reason is that he's not over his ex-girlfriend from over 2 months ago. It takes time! I know! There are days I still think about my ex, and that was over a year ago. It wouldn't be fair to Charly if they dated right now when his heart isn't all in it. They're being smart! I like that they're not dating because of that. Also, realistically they have known each other for 4 weeks maybe less. She doesn't want to enter into a relationship without knowing him well...even though they spend every waking moment together.

Which brings me to my next point, how do you stay 'just friends' with a guy that you know you like and you know likes you without acting like boyfriend/girlfriend? The answer is: I don't know. It's really hard! Now they know, they keep flirting with each other. She even held his hand the other night! Now before you get all up in my case, holding hands isn't a crime. It's cute and innocent. But is it something you do when you just want to be friends? Probably not. And that's something she wants to work on.

Have you noticed all I've done is talk about Charly? Well...she's a big part of my life! And her life is MUCH more interesting than mine by FAR! Being her best friend...I just think it's so cute and want to tell everyone :) I really hope that it works out for them and he doesn't break her heart. I've been through my fair share of heartache myself. Charly is too precious for that. I would hate to see her down like that. So on the public record...I wanted you all to know that if Wes breaks her heart, I'll break his nose.

Okay, enough about them, I bet your wondering about my life! And if your not, I'm going to tell you anyway! Work is great. Honestly, I think I said this before but I love everyone I work with! Especially the guys. I'm not really attrracted to any one of them, but I have so much fun with them. Kevin and I just tease each other the whole time. He's one of my good friends. He's very caring, helpful and sweet, but at the same time can also be a pain in the butt. He likes to tease me, but that's okay, I can take it! Edric and I both love musicals. It's so much fun when he works with me because we turn on the Pandora musicals stations and bust out in song! I love it. He is so laid back and it's great we both have the same interests in musicals! :) Antonio and I have the least in common. Actually, probably nothing in common except where we work. He reads playboy and listens to rap music, neither of which I'm very big fans of to say the least. But I still have fun! I don't know how. It's mainly just me telling him how much better I can do the job than him :P How do I even begin to describe Kujo? He's...goofy. Making weird sounds and saying random things. Always keeps me on my toes that one! But he's really genuine at the same time and always seems interested in how I'm doing :)
Moral of the story: I LOVE my guy friends at work!

Okay...I've stopped and started this blog so many times...It's been 3 days...time to end this! And then maybe I'll catch you up on what's happened in the past three days? Haha!

Awesome: My work!
Lame: It took me 3 days to write this blog. EWW!

FACEinHOLE

Create your own FACEinHOLE

A little rant and my new job

So I was thinking today....if someone was to look at my life, what would they see? I don't know. Looking around me, I have penguins, tootsie roll can, flip flops, and a plaque. What does that say about me? If it wasn't me I would say that person is a nature lover who keeps her attitude up with a plethora of sugar, loves the outdoors and is proud of her accomplishments. NO! That's not me! My surroundings don't reflect who I am. I like penguins and my own pets...hardly anyone else's...the tootsie roll can is my change jar, the flip flops are dirty and worn, (I actually don't like the outdoors) and the plaque was a gift, a reminder of the summer. That's not who I am either. I just realized how almost incredibly impossible it is to correctly asses someone based on their surroundings, possessions, and looks. That's just a fancy way of saying first impressions and judging by looks don't mean crap. That was a long way to get to my point, but I'm really sick and tired of that happening to me. There's a lot more to me than what you see.

That was completely unrelated rant but...there it is.

Hey guess who I saw...TWICE today? My exboyfriend. It wouldn't be so bad if he didn't make things awkward. I try! I TRY so hard! But he doesn't help at all! Whatever...I'm not talking about him. (6 sentences about him? That's pretty good!)

I'm about ready to go out to eat with Nicole and Abbi. XD I'm so excited! I haven't seen Nicole since 4th of July and Abbi since last spring! AHHH! We are going to have SO much fun!!! Do you know how long it's been since I've had a girls night out? A looong time! I'm so looking forward to this!

In other news...work is really good. I love all my staff members and directors. They are all so sweet! That's an extremely over-used phrase...but it's TRUE! I'm pretty sure my Hall Director is gay. He always uses the word "Fabulous" and gives hugs....haha it's just cute. And he's such a joy to be around! As well as my Assistant Hall Director. He's one of those people that walks into a room with a huge smile and a great laugh and that attitude just spreads around to everyone around him. I love him so much, he's so great! Along with Kevin and Kujo...complete opposites! But I love them both. Kevin is exuberant and loud and funny, and Kujo is quiet and laid back and attentive. He's very nice.

Well this wasn't the longest blog but it's better than yesterday! Take it or leave it.

What I'm thankful for: Shower-heads that are taller than me. I mean it! Never underestimate a tall shower-head!
Number of days until I'm a senior: 229

I started to blog...

Hello my blog friendsa!

So I'm all moved in back to college. I've actually been sitting here at this computer for quite some time suprisingly. I haven't been on the computer very much because a friends been over since Saturday. I have returned internet!

Haha I don't have much to blog about. Oh! I accidentally left work an hour early. I mean I told my boss and everything so he just smiled and waved like it was perfectly normal. Oops! My bad! Haha but I think it's great he didn't even know. Oh well!

That reminds me I have to write out a list of something for work! Shoot I really wanted to blog too, talk to you later!

Number of subscribers: 13
Number of days until I'm a senior: 230

The day before I leave

Hello my BFF!

My tummy is full, my bags are packed, and I'm ready for a little cat nap! My sleeping schedule is really out of whack lately. It's going to be hard adjusting to a regular schedule when I move back into school tomorrow. Granted classes don't start tomorrow, but work does! Still going to be hard!

I'm going to miss a lot of things. My kitty, my bed, the pleasure of just sleeping and playing video games all day. Haha, I got into that terrible habit when I was recovering from my wisdom teeth. I still have a green cheek from that. It's terrible! I look like an abusive boyfriend grabbed my face and left an awful bruise. Well that's certainly not the case!

The thing that I'll miss most though...I already lost a few weeks ago. That's my best friend. Cut the drama Roxanne, but I do feel like I've lost her. I feel like she's replaced me with another friend. I know she's been busy lately with school, and she doesn't want to talk about leaving for college because it makes her sad. But does spending time with me also make her sad? I don't want to sound like a selfish brat, but I mean honestly she can make time for Stacie to hang out, she can't make time for me? That stings. A lot. I don't really have anyone else here except her.

I'm not holding onto that. I've let it go, I even called her the other day just to talk. Wasn't able to talk for long but at lease we talked. We're fine. I'm just a little peeved at her priorities. I thought I was one of them. Maybe I was wrong. I'll try to keep that in mind.

In other news, I get my computer back today!!! Supposedly! It's just a pain I have everything on this computer and I have to transfer it. Ughhhhhhh....

Aw my mom just brought me half a 3 musketeers bar :) How sweet!
I'm watching Smallville at the moment. It's so intense! I can't focus on what I'm writing. I'll blog more later this weekend.

Number of subscribers: 13
Number of days until I'm a senior: 233

Short and sweet

Here's the deal, I promised myself on my 21st birthday that I would get my life together. Not that my life is a mad mess or anything. Just a few things that I'd like to straighten out. You know, personal goals. And today was one of those epic fail days. Nothing I can't brush myself off and start anew or anything. I'm going to forget it's happened and keep going with my life. I am a good person, and I'm not going to beat myself up about it.

Then why am I writing a blog about it? To remind myself. No matter how many times I fail, I have a friend and a maker who loves me and forgives me when I ask for it. God wants me to succeed and sometimes I fall but he helps me back up again. I can't look back.

To moving forward!

Number of subscribers: 13
Number of days until I'm a senior: 234
Epic fails this birth year: 1

Video games and sleeping

As I look over my last blog I realize exactly how out of it I was. When I said "All 4 of them." Made me sound like I had 4 minds or something. I don't know, maybe this is the medicine talking as well.

Man I'm telling you, this is the glamorous life. Hot rags on my cheeks, messy hair, and lopsided glasses. Not to mention that every morning I wake up with blood stained lips. The food consists of Jello, Carnation instant breakfast, and crystal light. If I want to get really fancy, even throw in some applesauce. /sarcasm Not a lots been happening on the social side lately. My social existance involves a few text messages from a friend while I was trying to sleep and boring twitter updates.

The highlight of my weekend? Being able to pass a part on Final Fantasy XII that I couldn't pass before. HORRAY!! It's not that it was even that hard, but it was one of those places you had to battle a lot and I forgot to stock up on potions and stuff so I kept dying. Whoopsie?

And in other news....my mouth hurts. That's now what I was going to say, but the pain interrupted my train of thought. Oh yes, I move back to school in 6 days!!! I'm really really excited to be able to see all my friends again and hang out with them without a care in the world. Okay maybe I'm over-fantasizing my dream a little bit here. My mind goes crazy when I'm locked inside for so long.

Maybe next time I write something more interesting will happen.

Number of subscribers: 13
Number of days until I'm a senior: 240

Wisdom Teeth

Ow ow and...ow. I'm sitting here in bed, my mind is reeling as to how I'm able to comprehend anything right now with the amount of drugs I have in my body from getting my wisdom teeth pulled. All 4 of them.

You know what's scary? I kinda remembered the first one they pulled. I flinched as I felt them digging in my mouth on the left side in the back. Not pain, just pressure. And then I woke up what seemed like 30 seconds later to them saying I was done. Amazing! They can give me some more of that medicine anytime! It was funny. The dr. was talking to me about school, when I went back, you know small talk. Everything started blurring and I could hardly keep my eyes open, but I kept talking to him anyway, testing myself seeing how long I could actually stay awake. I can't remember exactly when that happened or the walk to the door, but I remember everything else. I don't think I said anything stupid like most people. I'll have to ask my mom later though.

Do you know how hard it is to have chocolate milk when your bottom lip is numb? It was a challenge! Now as I'm typing this my bottom lip is starting to tingle, like it's getting it's feeling back in it. Yay! I might be able to eat soon. This whole going without solid food things really sucks....because I LOVE food! (If you can't tell by looking at me.)

Another thing that's strange about me is my creative way of keeping the ice packs on my face. Granted, I know I look ridiculous but what I did is strap both ice packs on my face by a headband and use bobypins to keep it up. I have a picture but I'm too embarrassed to show it haha :)

Ah well, I feel like I am ignoring Smallville, which is going to be entertaining me while I'm in bed. Good thing is that I'll have lots of time to blog!!!

See you all later!

Number of subscribers: 13
Number of days until I'm a senior: 242

Once in a while I do this...

Hello my bff! (Blog Friend Forever) Sorry I've neglected you. Here's what's going on in my life.

I'm about ready to go back to school. My goals are to finish the Summer story, make more videos, and blog about my life! I get way to stressed at school and blogging about it usually helps. Guess what, NO boy problems! That's a first right? Haha, it's exciting!

Sometimes I wish I would just hurry up and grow up. Then I go babysitting. Some days Gabby drives me absolutely insane. I'm sure it's right, you know the saying that says you grow as a parent as your child grows, but it does nothing for babysitters! We're just thrown in there! I mean, I've been babysitting since I was 12 but you know I just need a break. I only have one more day of babysitting, and I don't want to end it on a bad note. I love Gabby, I just need a break! Babysitters need vacations too! Haha :) I need more of a break from their dogs. It's like I'm watching 3 kids with all the needs their dogs have, I mean honestly. One day I'll have to write about how I got trapped out of the house while I was taking the dog outside because a HUGE bee was guarding the front door.

Until next time...(hopefully it won't be too long)

Number of subscribers: 13 *gasp!* Unlucky number!
Number of days until I'm a senior: 244

BEDA

WOW! So I just realized that my last post was a year ago EXACTLY today! {Edit: I fail...nope...that wasn't a month ago exactly. Oops!} Haha but I'm blogging for a completely different reason! No more mushy gushy love crap. (Does that sound harsh? Eh-let me rephrase) I was REALLY tempted to delete those posts...especially since me and Zach aren't together anymore. SINGLE AND LOVING LIFE! But I figured, you know...everyone goes through stages in life. Some relationships lasts, others don't. I don't regret going out with him, and I'm not angry at him, but there seems something final in deleting my posts about him. He was someone really special and I don't want to delete those memories. I'm sure I'll want them some day, even if it hurts looking back on it now.

Enough of that somber mood! I'm blogging as a part of Maureen Johnson's BEDA (Blog every day in April) Challenge. Okay so I missed a day...big deal. I'm sure I'll make it up to you guys!

So I just had to show you all that I bought Johnny's new shirt! XD I'm soooo flipping excited! He only made 120 of them. I bought a medium which might be a tad too small, but you know what? All the more motivating to work out, yeah? I mean I GOTTA look good in my giraffe shirt!



I love writing. I honestly do. Even though nobody is ever going to read this post. I thought about writing a book. I'm not good with plots though...just short stories. I could never write a mystery novel like I want to. I came up with this cool concept for a book. A world where books are banned...because if they open them up, the story comes to life in their world. Kind of like Jumanji. You don't want to play because the game comes to life. But the world they live in is so mundane and boring, so someone defies that and almost ruins the whole planet blah blah blah. And the hero saves them making them all realize that nothing is ever going to happen if they just sit around and do nothing. So that's my idea...nothings going to come of it. Somebody want to write that book? I bet it'll be a best seller!

Also, in every blog I'm going to include a random fact I didn't know before today...to start off with, lets learn from snapple!

DID YOU KNOW....?
#2 Animals that lay eggs don't have belly buttons.