I am so blessed beyond belief! March 31 at around 10:30 p.m. Zach told me he liked me. I knew he did, but I didn't think anything would happen, or if it did, I didn't think anything would happen before summer. As it turned out, things did happen faster than I expected. Not that I'm complaining. Neither of us was looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend, it was all God's doing in bringing us together and I'm so glad he did. However, I can't help but feel insecure and not worthy cometimes. What have I done to deserve this? Old insecurities I used to have creep back into my life occasionally. "Fat" and "Ugly and "Mean" are the most common words that creep into my head. Obviously, Zach doesn't think that, but that's how I feel sometimes. He knows so many people on campus. He's cute and popular. I wonder why he chose me. I don't see anything special about me. When I start doubting, I pray for God to check my heart. Make my intentions pure and remember that I am a princess and I deserve a happy ending because my Father is the King of the Universe!
You want to know something great? I had to go to a speaker for ASL and at the end I won a $30 gift certificate to Texas Roadhouse, dinner for two. Me and Zach are SO going on a date! Haha, God has blessed me so much within the past 2 weeks. You want to know more good news? My mom offered to pay at least half my cost to summer project!!!! This is SUCH a huge blessing because I really was worried about it. So praise God for that!
The other day I went to Wally World with Zach. On the way back, we started talking about our futures together. That may be thinking WAY ahead, we've only been dating for two weeks, and surprisingly enough I wasn't scared to talk about the future. We talked about our jobs going well together, kids, and my family already loving him. He leaned on my shoulder and asked "Is this true love?" in a high pitched voice. I just smiled and said "I don't know, maybe. Only time will tell." That's how this conversation started. Everything seemed so natural I'm not worried about it. God is in charge of our relationship. He brought us together and he can take us apart whenever if ever he decides to. We continually give up that part of our lives and our main goal is to serve God through our relationship. I'm excited to see what God has in store for our futures, together or not.
Even though we've only been going out for 2 weeks, I already think he's getting serious about me. That's obvious in our previous converstation. Not serious in the physical way. We only hug and hold halds. We're taking it slow in that aspect. It took him 3 days after we got together for him to even hold my hand. Alex thought that was too soon, but I don't think so. We haven't kissed yet. Just last night he said "We haven't kissed yet, but I don't think we need to for a while now" and I agreed. Afterall, I told him when we first started going out I wanted to go slow, and he has respected that. Things are going to change soon, I know it. He wants to kiss me. I can tell by the way he looks at me or when he cradles my face in his hand. I unintentionaly turned away once when I thought he was going to kiss me. Now I know he wasn't going to, but he acted like he wanted to. He's done that several times, but now with 3 days left together and all this studying I don't think that's going to happen now. and I'm okay with that.
Just know that I have the absolute cutest boyfriend and I am extremely happy and so wonderfully blessed.
